Planet of the Apes Remake; a Bad Decision.

The movie remake itself was not a bad decision. I enjoyed it. Right up until the point where the main character (played by Mark Wahlberg) decides to try and get back home. Suffice to say there are spoilers in this; so avert your eyes if you haven’t seen the film but intend to.

Why the hell would he leave the ape planet? Hindsight, blah blah. But really, did you see that blond babe that was hanging on his every move? She was stunning… rags and all. Even that ape lady liked him. And for an ape lady, she wasn’t half bad. I found myself liking her, despite the twisted conclusions that may be swimming around in your head right now.

So with a newly found truce between the apes and man on the planet, a blond bombshell that clearly wants him, and an ape lady that has an obvious crush on him as well, he decides to hop in his space shuttle and try get back to “his planet.”

What a douchebag. But the egg is on his face when he finally arrives back on earth to realize that time and history has been altered. That’s right. Earth is how he remembered it, except in an alternate reality as if apes had discovered America, colonized the country, had civil war, built Washington D.C. and Disney World etc etc. You get the idea; it was a permanent acid trip but with monkeys instead of pink elephants.

That’s a pretty crappy thing to come “home” to. I bet he was real pissed about leaving that cavebabe behind after realizing what happened. I know I would be; she was hot.