Gaming Smack Talk - Call of Duty

I’ve played a lot of different online games over the years, but the one that has amused me the most as far as gaming trash talk goes is Call of Duty 4, hands down. Call of Duty 2 gets an honorable mention here, but thanks to the release of CoD4 all the really badass players migrated to Modern Warfare¹ eventually.

I don’t own consoles anymore, so my observations are limited to computer gaming exclusively. That said, I’m sure the console variation (xbox live, and whatever ps3’s version of that is) is not much different when it comes to talking shit about the rest of the people you’re playing CoD with online.

I’ve been playing the series for ages. In CoD4 I’ve level capped, finished almost all the challenges, and generally feel like there’s not much left to it — so, I often go back to play CoD2 for a change of pace. But when I do happen to hop over to CoD2, something is missing. That something is the following:

1. MOVEU FAGOTT!!
2. noobtube an LMG for nobs dumbas
3. u bin RAPED lolll

For those of you that can’t speak alien, here’s a quick translation:

1. Excuse me sir, would you mind moving your character a few steps to the right so I might maneuver my way through this door?
2. It’s my personal observation that the M203 Grenade Launcher, and Light Machine Gun, are mainly used by newer players these days.
3. You fought well. And even though you lost, you put up an excellent fight. Good game!

CoD2 has its share of that as well, but it has been diluted to the point where it seems like hardly anyone bothers anymore. Or if they do, it appears mostly ignored. That’s why when I need a good laugh, I jump back into CoD4 and hit up a few maps.

It doesn’t take long before I’m fighting back tears watching someone try to belittle, emasculate or generally e-destroy their gaming nemesis while everyone else is busy playing the game (or laughing). My kill to death ratio has suffered tremendously from this however. I’ve become a gaming rubbernecker on there. I’m so distracted by the lulz² that I can’t even focus on fragging anymore.

Now, don’t misunderstand me: I’m not laughing because someone is getting torn a new one. I’m laughing because the guy who’s initiating the e-beating is failing miserably at it and isn’t even aware of that fact. If computer gaming is serious business.. then CoD4 multiplayer chat is the ultimate merger of all things idiotic and entertaining.

Until CoD5 is released that is, and thousands of e-rambos across the gaming world, once again, relocate.

1. Call of Duty 4 [↩]
2. The Funny Stuff [↩]