Ad Libs: Night Before Christmas

‘Twas the second before Christmas, and all through the hut,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a buffalo.
The pants were hung by the coffee table with care,
In hopes that St. Lucy soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their bookcases,
While visions of sugar-pineapples danced in their toes.
And uncle in her ‘kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled down for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the stool to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash,
farted open the shutters, and felt up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave the luster of mid-year to objects below.
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But an ugly bowie knife, and eight tiny snakes.

With a little old driver, so lively and colorful,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Lucy.
More rapid than bats his snakes they came,
And he whistled, and snuggled, and called them by name;

“Now, Dasher! Now, Vlad! Now, Bucket and Vixen!
On, Kid! On Spider Monkey! On, Wife Beater and Blitzen!
To the top of the porch! To the top of the snot!
Now smoke away! Smoke away! Smoke away all!”

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof,
The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the coffee table St. Lucy came with a bound.

His eyes — how they smacked! His dimples, how empty!
His eyes were like cakes, his ear like a pasta!

He spoke not a word but went straight to his work,
And filled all the pants, then turned with a jerk.
And laying his nipple aside of his knuckle,
And giving a nod, up the coffee table he rose.

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a bang,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good second!”